I'm still being quiet. I guess I'm feeling at bit in a rut & a bit blue. The days are shorter, I don't leave the house other than to take Toad to school 2 days a week or if we need something from the store. I really don't have any friends at all other than my roommate. I don't drive either. I have no family in the area or in this part of the country even. So I think all the isolation & bitter cold have me down.
Plus much as I love her, spending all of your time with a 3.5 year old is wearing. I don't ever get a day off. If I'm laying on the floor 'cause I have a migraine & she needs lunch, well I just have to do it. I wish I had a partner or sibling or parent in the area to call & say I need an afternoon off every once in a while.
So that's how I am.
Showing posts with label single mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single mom. Show all posts
07 December 2008
30 October 2008
Disability & Money
Getting disabled isn't for those with limited income. As a single mom my money needs to go to my daughter not me, but yet I wonder if it won't end up punishing her later on as I become more disabled due to putting myself second.
25 September 2008
Being a EDS Mom
There are things as a mom that are different for me than for those who don't have EDS. That's not to say the emotions I have aren't the same or similar to those who have other genetic issues.
I was walking my daughter home after school yesterday & the whole way I could feel her wrist slip in & out of joint. I don't hold her hand because of this or her elbow or her shoulder, but rather I let her hold a few of my fingers. That also helps so that if she does that kid thing where she just drops to the ground because she doesn't want to keep walking or go the direction we are going she isn't going to end up with a dislocation & neither will I.
My daughter is 3, I can't carry her anymore. She's just over 30lbs & I stopped carrying her for the most part once she had walking down pat. It causes me too much pain to carry her. I almost never pick her up anymore because it's not really an option anymore. I only do it if it's because there is a danger in not doing so.
I watch her move a lot. Looking at how she is using her body, seeing her do things that are EDS & having a sadness in my heart from it.
Plus there are the odd things at this house. Like say the fact everyone owns at least 3 weeks of clothing, including sock & underthings, because our washer & dryer are in the basement & there are periods where I can't go down those steps to wash clothes. Or the fact I don't walk down steps, I slide down on my butt. Or the fact some days I can barely walk from one room to another. Or the fact on bad days I drink almost nothing so that I won't have to walk up stairs to the bathroom. This is what my daughter thinks is normal.
I was walking my daughter home after school yesterday & the whole way I could feel her wrist slip in & out of joint. I don't hold her hand because of this or her elbow or her shoulder, but rather I let her hold a few of my fingers. That also helps so that if she does that kid thing where she just drops to the ground because she doesn't want to keep walking or go the direction we are going she isn't going to end up with a dislocation & neither will I.
My daughter is 3, I can't carry her anymore. She's just over 30lbs & I stopped carrying her for the most part once she had walking down pat. It causes me too much pain to carry her. I almost never pick her up anymore because it's not really an option anymore. I only do it if it's because there is a danger in not doing so.
I watch her move a lot. Looking at how she is using her body, seeing her do things that are EDS & having a sadness in my heart from it.
Plus there are the odd things at this house. Like say the fact everyone owns at least 3 weeks of clothing, including sock & underthings, because our washer & dryer are in the basement & there are periods where I can't go down those steps to wash clothes. Or the fact I don't walk down steps, I slide down on my butt. Or the fact some days I can barely walk from one room to another. Or the fact on bad days I drink almost nothing so that I won't have to walk up stairs to the bathroom. This is what my daughter thinks is normal.
15 September 2008
It seemed like a good idea at the time
So I decided instead of walking down to pre-school, then back home, then back down to get Toad & finally back home that I would just take my laptop with me & stay downtown. I really forgot to factor in the fact that I have to walk 1 of the 2 speeds I can walk or walking is very painful & my odds of falling are higher, but my child doesn't like to walk either of those speeds. Add to that the weight of the laptop pulling on my neck & I guess I should be happy I didn't fall. I am in agony & sitting in the coffee shop I just to work in. I am now trying to decide if I would do better staying here & walking home carrying this thing or if I'd do better resting for a tiny bit, walking home with the laptop, then going back down to pick up Toad & walking back. On Wednesday I'll just bring a paperback with & read.
On a slighty brighter note I have a school girl crush on the cute guy at the Y. I know cause I wore mascara to take Toad to pre-school, lol. I think I'll take this second to say that I am a single mom, not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I may have. Toad's biological father is not in the picture at all other than to send a few $ most months & we only dated for a few months. I just don't have the energy to deal with a relationship right now, I'm just trying to get thru life one day at a time. But just because I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I can't feel cute & flirt with someone, so I am flirting with the cute guy at the Y, cause it's fun.
On a very cool note I got a wheelchair for free this weekend! We went to run a few errands this weekend & stopped by Roomie's Dad's house. (Ok, this may get confusing.) Over the summer Roomie's sister, dad, mom & step-father have a ton of yardsales & most things get stored at Roomie's dad'd house. The step-father works as a trucker & is known as the guy who "dumpster dives", most of the time it's just stuff set out at the curb along his route or things people will ask him if he wants before they would throw out rather than climbing in dumpsters. So anyhow we stopped by & in the garage with the leftover yardsale stuff was a wheelchair, so I announced I was taking it. It's the first chair on this page. It's not new nor is it s perfect fit, but it's darn close & it's free. The armrests come off which I have to have or I can't comfortably reach the wheels to push myself, the legrests come off too which is nice since I often leg propel myself.
Oh & because I haven't change the topic enough times let's do it once more! I am switching meds from Neurontin to Pamelor & it's been interesting so far. I was on 600mg in the am & afternoon & 900mg in the evening for the Neurontin. I am now at 600mg 3x per day. As for the Pamelor I am at the 10mg 1x per day at night. I am finding I remember my dreams more, feel a bit less drowsy in the day, those are the good effects. The bad ones are I've become a total flamiong bitch (which I do hope will mellow back to normal bitchy) & the leg itchies have come back in force. I have scabs all over my legs from itching, ugh. It's like RLS except instead of needing to move I get itchy. So hopefully as I ramp up on the Pamelor it will go away again. I do like feeling more alert & dreaming again, but not if it means I have to be an obnoxious bitch who keeps itching her legs til they bleed. (btw: Neurontin=gabapentin & Pamelor=nortriptyline)
On a slighty brighter note I have a school girl crush on the cute guy at the Y. I know cause I wore mascara to take Toad to pre-school, lol. I think I'll take this second to say that I am a single mom, not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I may have. Toad's biological father is not in the picture at all other than to send a few $ most months & we only dated for a few months. I just don't have the energy to deal with a relationship right now, I'm just trying to get thru life one day at a time. But just because I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I can't feel cute & flirt with someone, so I am flirting with the cute guy at the Y, cause it's fun.
On a very cool note I got a wheelchair for free this weekend! We went to run a few errands this weekend & stopped by Roomie's Dad's house. (Ok, this may get confusing.) Over the summer Roomie's sister, dad, mom & step-father have a ton of yardsales & most things get stored at Roomie's dad'd house. The step-father works as a trucker & is known as the guy who "dumpster dives", most of the time it's just stuff set out at the curb along his route or things people will ask him if he wants before they would throw out rather than climbing in dumpsters. So anyhow we stopped by & in the garage with the leftover yardsale stuff was a wheelchair, so I announced I was taking it. It's the first chair on this page. It's not new nor is it s perfect fit, but it's darn close & it's free. The armrests come off which I have to have or I can't comfortably reach the wheels to push myself, the legrests come off too which is nice since I often leg propel myself.
Oh & because I haven't change the topic enough times let's do it once more! I am switching meds from Neurontin to Pamelor & it's been interesting so far. I was on 600mg in the am & afternoon & 900mg in the evening for the Neurontin. I am now at 600mg 3x per day. As for the Pamelor I am at the 10mg 1x per day at night. I am finding I remember my dreams more, feel a bit less drowsy in the day, those are the good effects. The bad ones are I've become a total flamiong bitch (which I do hope will mellow back to normal bitchy) & the leg itchies have come back in force. I have scabs all over my legs from itching, ugh. It's like RLS except instead of needing to move I get itchy. So hopefully as I ramp up on the Pamelor it will go away again. I do like feeling more alert & dreaming again, but not if it means I have to be an obnoxious bitch who keeps itching her legs til they bleed. (btw: Neurontin=gabapentin & Pamelor=nortriptyline)
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